Long Distance Relationships...

I just want to hear your take on the issue. Personally I think they can work if both parties are dedicated and want it to work. I just got out of a 3 year long distance relation. It had it's challenges.

yes I think they can work!! if ur totally in love n the distance makes ur spending time with each other very special ..... u just gotta have trust n honesty n it will work itself out it has its ups n downs dont get me wrong n its very hard at times exspecially when u really need that person by ur side in times of need but at the end of the day if u really want it n the relationship n the other person is worth the distance then thats what counts.....

Yes maam, trust is key. You can't love someone if you dont trust them. I'm kinda involved in another long distance situation, I think it makes the bond stronger b/c if a relationship can withstand this, it can withstand anything.

Amen mami...that is so true its so hard but trust really is the key..

Damn that's far. How long have yall been together? As long ass you're happy that's all that matters. My new boo is like 10 hours away. In NC, im in FL

NEW BOO SHANTE!?!?!?!what...why havent you told me!!?!?!? anyways....i agree with you both....it can most def work out if both of the people put in the effort to make it work!

I DID tell you about the dude in North Carolina the last time we were on the phone. lol. Are you ok? You IMed me then you were gone. : (

yeah im ok...my sister called and said she was outside so i had to leave quick... i just got back from the hospital a minute ago..they didnt do shit really...just prescribed me pain killers and sent me off...jerks

Damn. Maybe you should go to a real doctor b/c that's scary.

Yeah..thats the thing though...i have no insurance...

Damn.

yeah yeah....the lovely life of Amanda!!!

Things will get better, I know it! Just stay positive!! : )

woot woot!!! i hope so!!!

I honestly put yes and no..lol, even though I know its not fair. I want to say "I dont believe" in long distance relationships, but that would be a bit harsh. Its more so, the type of long distance relationship. I feel that it doesnt matter how much trust or love you have for a person, time apart will take its toll eventually. Distance and time are key factors to me in order for success. I feel that before anything is acknowledged, goals must be established for self and the relationship. Its easy to say, "I love you, and we're perfect together or will be." In my opinion, when it comes to "love", its easy to be content "mentally" with someone who has everything you're looking for. However, one must realize the difference between a dream and a reality. Love has a way of blinding the truth in many aspects. For example, Im in chicago, and lets say, I have a relationship with a chic in russia. I know anythings possible but what are the odds of it actually working out unless she's willing to fly to the states or Im willing to go to her. Who decides when its time? One person maybe ready to progress, one may not? How much time is needed in the relationship before one determines if they're ready for "the meet" A lot of things need to be taken into consideration. There is no need to rush, however, time waits for no one...

1- Time a part can strengthen a relationship/bond between 2 people or it can break it. But I try to be more optimistic.

2- Chicago and Russia is a bit unrealistic.

3- in my case me and the person are from the same hometown, have spent time together, but I'm 5 hours away in school.

I wasnt really trying to get at a bizarre situation like that, ie: meeting someone online or something like that.

Im saying like a relationship that is already established.

btnhmami9803 wrote:1- Time a part can strengthen a relationship/bond between 2 people or it can break it. But I try to be more optimistic.

2- Chicago and Russia is a bit unrealistic.

3- in my case me and the person are from the same hometown, have spent time together, but I'm 5 hours away in school.

I wasnt really trying to get at a bizarre situation like that, ie: meeting someone online or something like that.

Im saying like a relationship that is already established.

O.k..lol Maybe the russia thing was a stretch. If you two live in the same state, or are just some hours away, then I can somewhat agree to yes. Pre established helps tremendously. The time things works both ways. As well as commitment and dedication. It takes 100% from both sides of course.

Well said. In my case it was ok for a while, but I really just wasnt happy with the situation. Of the 3 years we were together, and of the 3 years I've been away at school, he has not once made any attempt to come and visit me. If it werent for me going home, I wouldnt have seen him at all, 2 of the years I didnt even have a car.

Not saying that Im better than anyone but Ive found that with me being more educated, I'm more open-minded. He's like 6 years older than me and he's so simple minded and not open to anything. ie: He wants to stay on a POS, dead end job that has no future, and I want to experience the world, and get out of this state. : )

or atleast if I do stay in FL, I dont I want to be atleast 1 and a 1/2-3 hours away from home.

btnhmami9803 wrote:Well said. In my case it was ok for a while, but I really just wasnt happy with the situation. Of the 3 years we were together, and of the 3 years I've been away at school, he has not once made any attempt to come and visit me. If it werent for me going home, I wouldnt have seen him at all, 2 of the years I didnt even have a car.

Not saying that Im better than anyone but Ive found that with me being more educated, I'm more open-minded. He's like 6 years older than me and he's so simple minded and not open to anything. ie: He wants to stay on a POS, dead end job that has no future, and I want to experience the world, and get out of this state. : )

That second part was AMAZING!!! In soo many ways. Education is the key to elevation. Those who dont have it sink further into ignorance. Im currently working two dead end jobs but know my future lies in schooling and gaining degrees in the several various fields I wish to major in. I also want to experience the world and everything it has to offer. Close minded people are depressing and shallow... KUDOS TO YOU!!

Ok, I won't knock people who work "dead end jobs." Because I know people have to do what they have to do. But I'm a realist, and although I can't plan my future and it wont play out how I want it to as hard as I would like to try, I would like to be prepared for it to the best of my ability.

This dude has been working what I call a "dead-end job" for I guess 10 years now. Ok, and I try to get him to look at the bigger picture. I may be younger, but I know wtf Im talking about. At this job he has no kind of insurance what so ever, he's life style and habits aren't great at all. So what happens when he gets sick and can't work? He's out on his ass and they will def hire someone else to take his job. Ok, noy only is he out of work, but he's sick and can't find another job. Now, put me and possibly a child into that equation & it's destined for disaster. But he just wants to live for today.

He doesnt try to save for emergencies. He's just thinking about the now.

Then he complains about his financial situation (how a person can't save 200 or so dollars over 3 years to come see his gf is beyond me). Then I tell him maybe you should get a second job, and I'm wrong b/c "I've never paid bills" or whatever. He's more than capable of taking on a part time.

BS. Really, which is why. I'm done with that situation and moving forward.

Thanks for listening BTW.

btnhmami9803 wrote:Ok, I won't knock people who work "dead end jobs." Because I know people have to do what they have to do. But I'm a realist, and although I can't plan my future and it wont play out how I want it to as hard as I would like to try, I would like to be prepared for it to the best of my ability.

This dude has been working what I call a "dead-end job" for I guess 10 years now. Ok, and I try to get him to look at the bigger picture. I may be younger, but I know wtf Im talking about. At this job he has no kind of insurance what so ever, he's life style and habits aren't great at all. So what happens when he gets sick and can't work? He's out on his ass and they will def hire someone else to take his job. Ok, noy only is he out of work, but he's sick and can't find another job. Now, put me and possibly a child into that equation & it's destined for disaster. But he just wants to live for today.

He doesnt try to save for emergencies. He's just thinking about the now.

Then he complains about his financial situation (how a person can't save 200 or so dollars over 3 years to come see his gf is beyond me). Then I tell him maybe you should get a second job, and I'm wrong b/c "I've never paid bills" or whatever. He's more than capable of taking on a part time.

BS. Really, which is why. I'm done with that situation and moving forward.

Thanks for listening BTW.

WHOOOOOO, that totally reminds me of my ex...to an extent...the saving part mostly...like why dont some men grasp that concept??? there was a point when i was living in Florida, and his grandfather in NY passed Away, He took off to NY for the Funeral and stuff for less than a week, and When he Came back...He lost his Job..He didnt Have Any money saved or Anything, So Guess who had to support Both of us?? ME and it sucked..thats when i had to be like look....you need to Change or i cant do it, he had a shitty attitude, always so negitive, always down on himself, and just horrible with Money. And not that i go around trying to Change Everyone, because you cant do that unless a person wants change, but he was willing, gave it a try...and i hate to admit.but..now hes doing better than my ass...LOL

Yea, well I'm not out to change anyone, but as a person going on 30 in a coulpe of years he really needs to look at the bigger picture and see the effects today will have on tomorrow.

Not all men are shitty with money though.

yup, thats why i said..."some men" LOL.....

btnhmami9803 wrote:Ok, I won't knock people who work "dead end jobs." Because I know people have to do what they have to do. But I'm a realist, and although I can't plan my future and it wont play out how I want it to as hard as I would like to try, I would like to be prepared for it to the best of my ability.

This dude has been working what I call a "dead-end job" for I guess 10 years now. Ok, and I try to get him to look at the bigger picture. I may be younger, but I know wtf Im talking about. At this job he has no kind of insurance what so ever, he's life style and habits aren't great at all. So what happens when he gets sick and can't work? He's out on his ass and they will def hire someone else to take his job. Ok, noy only is he out of work, but he's sick and can't find another job. Now, put me and possibly a child into that equation & it's destined for disaster. But he just wants to live for today.

He doesnt try to save for emergencies. He's just thinking about the now.

Then he complains about his financial situation (how a person can't save 200 or so dollars over 3 years to come see his gf is beyond me). Then I tell him maybe you should get a second job, and I'm wrong b/c "I've never paid bills" or whatever. He's more than capable of taking on a part time.

BS. Really, which is why. I'm done with that situation and moving forward.

Thanks for listening BTW.

Np. Complaining.... lol. Im guilty of it as well. However, someone told me you should always become that change you want to see. Its start with you. So I believe sitting around not doing nothing about your situation and only complaining just makes it worst. I know. I've been homeless, and was forced to live out of a car from day to day. There's only two things worst than that. Living on the street, or being in prison..(And you still get room and board there..lol) I tend to do my best when pressured. So I hit stores with applications hard...and called until they knew me by first name. I finally got my job and everything took off from there. Its all about how you apply yourself.

Sorry about the life story...lol. Anyway, you're only looking out for his best interests, and if he cant see how much of a asset you are then thats his lost. That way of life that he's living has its flaws and you're only trying to reconstruct it to better him. No one wants to live day to day on check to check. That sucks..lol And as far as not saving up to see you...thats weak and I feel that you should be a priority as well as his financial situation.